Wednesday, August 12, 2009
How to find the perfect guy?
No. I'm not a relationship expert. But I can tell about what I know from my experience. One criterion to see if you have a good relationship is that friends start asking you for advices on their relationship. And that what I do, I give advice.
I have lots of female friends in their early 30's who are still single. They wonder why they can't find someone. I'm talking about women who are educated, nice, and have good career going for them. I know exactly why. Sometimes they can be intimidated for a guy to come on to them. And sometimes they are afraid to show that they can be sexy because it makes them feel any less feminism. I have three rules I use successfully; I’d never been short of dates until I finally found the guy of my dream.
Rule number one, you got to make yourself approachable. Smile often is a good start. Sometimes you even have to be the one who starts the conversation. Once you make the guy feel comfortable, let him take it from there. The key is you got to do it subtly, don’t be too aggressive.
Rule number two, guys are very visual. So to get their attention, you got to always look good or even sexy. Don't afraid to do it. Last night I talk to a good friend of mine who is a very intelligent and successful American guy (he brought in many millions USD a year). I asked him why guys always go after good looking women, isn't it true that when the lights are off, every woman looks the same. He laughed and replied that it is the same thing why women always go for successful guys. Women are all about security in life when they look for a husband, and guys are all about things they can appreciate with their eyes. Smart conversation is not the prerequisite for his wife-to-be. I'm surprised he said that because he is very intellectual guy. But that the way it is. So take care of your appearance. Don't be afraid to show off your feminine side.
Rule number three, show them that you are worth it. When you look good and are approachable, some guys are going to want to give it a try. But pursuing a woman takes energy and time. For ambitious men, they'd rather put their energy and time to their career, unless they feel that you are worth their effort. Being worth it is subjective since each guy has different taste and wants different things. But I can tell you roughly; you got to be understanding and make him feel good of whom he is, you got to give him space when he needs it, and you got to make him proud to show you off to his friends and family.
Lastly, we, especially women, ain’t getting any younger; don’t waste your time on somebody who is not the one. You got to find out as soon as possible. My rule is no more than 3 months. When you know that he’s not, you got to cut your loss. Move on, and give somebody else a try. Good husband is the most blessing in a woman’s life. You got to take it seriously. You’d better off with no husband than having a bad husband.
1. Know how to make yousmile when you are down.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
3. Stick upfor you, but still respects your independence.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
5. Come up behind you and put hisarmsaround you.
6. Play with your hair.
7. His handsalways find yours.
8. Be cutewhen he really wants something.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
10. Dancewith you, even if he feels like a dork.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.
13. Realize he's being funny when he needsto be serious.
14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actuallyhurts. 16. Smilea lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.
18. Appreciate you.
19. Help others out.
20. Drive 5hours just to see you for 1.
21. Alwaysgives you apeck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even whenhis friends are watching.
22. Sing, even if he can't.
23. Have a creativesense of humor.
24. Stare at you.
25. Call for no reason.
26. Quitsmoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves u that much to quit it.
Things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.
Things a perfect guy would do,
and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.
Someone recently sent me an email titled 26 things a perfect guy would do. I thought "hmm, nobody could possibly send me anything so stupid, it can't possibly be as dumb as it sounds." I stand corrected. The email was just as advertised: a wish list of how women supposedly want men to act, as if men in this country weren't already an episode of Friends away from turning into giant walking vaginas.
I never thought I'd ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly, and this is after having read the details of an anal prolapse that a friend sent me tonight. Here is the abridged list (because the full list might literally cause you to barf on your keyboard, and frankly, it's not worth reading), followed by my response to each "thing" that a "perfect guy would do:"
1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that shit makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshit. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven.
Why do people Cheat on one another if you are in a releationship?
China, What if?
THIS IS WHAT I AM WORRIED ABOUT, CHINA IS SO WORRIED ABOUT OVER POPULATION AND JUST WHAT IF, WHAT IF CHINA HAS ACTUALLY TERRORIZE THE EARTH WITH THE CONSPIRACY
ANOTHER ARTICLE WRITTEN BY MATT:
PLEASE HELP UNDERSTAND: